I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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