I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize