just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
