is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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