you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
