We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
