don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
