WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
