Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
