Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
