i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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