Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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