I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
