Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
