Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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