I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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