I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize