I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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