I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
