soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
