im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
