So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
