we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
