Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
