So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
