Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
