I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
