Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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