I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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