if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
