Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We are all done wearing pants today
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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