i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize