i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
