i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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