Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ketchup is God's man juice
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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