she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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