theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
