they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
whose parrot is this?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
