How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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