He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
