how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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