you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
