You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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