glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize