chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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