Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
