if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
