Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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