Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
