based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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