Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
