I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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