i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
