Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
