I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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