There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
