We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
