Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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