Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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