i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
