TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
tell me about the eggs
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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