yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
