are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
