she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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