i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
