My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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