hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
