I didn't shave. On purpose
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
