Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
