You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize