Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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