if you like me you must not know who I am
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
