Sry I called you an 8
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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