i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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