you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
