all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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