my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize