I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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