How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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