wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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