OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
