i just sent this text using only my big toe
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
