I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
