Your face is a jimmy john
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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