my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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