Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize