remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
