I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
