I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
