Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
