Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
