I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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